Chapter 61 – Date Me

When Lin Xi got home and opened the door, a thick, acrid stench of smoke hit her in the face, instantly making her want to call the fire department.

She rushed into the living room and looked toward the kitchen.

Huh?!

The iron wok on the stove was blazing.

And there was Shi Yu, in a total panic, holding a basin of water.

“Wait!” Lin Xi shouted just in time. “The oil in the wok is on fire. If you dump that water on it, it’ll splatter everywhere!”

“I… I couldn’t find the fire extinguisher,” Shi Yu said anxiously.

“What kind of home keeps a fire extinguisher around all the time?!” Lin Xi told Shi Yu to move aside, then strode over, grabbed the cutting board, and slapped it over the wok.

As Lin Xi’s hand got close to the roaring flames, the fire looked fierce, but she didn’t feel especially hot.

“Right. What am I even afraid of fire for-“

Calmly, Lin Xi covered the wok with the cutting board, smothering the flames and letting them slowly die out.

Once it was handled, Lin Xi wiped the sweat from her forehead. “Good thing I got here in time. If I’d been one step later, you would’ve burned the house down.”

“So,” she said, staring at Shi Yu like she was interrogating a criminal, “what exactly did my kitchen ever do to you?”

Shi Yu lowered her head and fiddled with her fingers. “When I watch you cook, it always looks pretty easy.”

“So I figured… how hard could it be?”

Lin Xi: “…”

“No, seriously. You’re a useless lump at everyday life. Where did you get that confidence? Who gave you the courage?”

“This is all your fault,” Shi Yu said, pouting. “You took forever to come back.”

Lin Xi: “???”

“You’re seriously blaming me for this?”

“You couldn’t order takeout? Or go out to eat?”

“One question. Are you paying for the things you burned?”

“I will,” Shi Yu said. “I’ll buy new ones tomorrow.”

“Now that actually sounds human,” Lin Xi said sincerely. “From now on, you’d better stay far away from the kitchen.”

“I’ll pay for the damage,” Shi Yu emphasized, “but I am not a useless lump at everyday life.”

“Oh? What can you do?”

“At the very least, I’ve mastered the two core technologies of cooking rice and making instant noodles! Those two are, at minimum, the crown jewels of life skills!”

“Fine,” Lin Xi amended. “You’re not a useless lump at everyday life. You’re in a vegetative state at everyday life.”

Shi Yu: “…”

Lin Xi sent Shi Yu, the everyday-life vegetable, out to forage for food while she stayed behind to clean up the mess.

Shi Yu offered to help, but after some thought, Lin Xi decided against it. The kitchen had already been designated a forbidden zone for Shi Yu.

By the time everything was cleaned up, Shi Yu had just finished eating and returned with a takeout box of barbecue skewers.

“Want some?”

Lin Xi stared at her in shock. “I get it. You had them make these insanely spicy, didn’t you? You’re trying to get revenge because I called you an everyday-life vegetable?”

Shi Yu silently picked up a skewer and took a perfectly normal bite. “They aren’t insanely spicy.”

“I didn’t help with cleaning up the kitchen… so eat it or don’t. Up to you.”

She set down the barbecue, turned around, and went into the bathroom to shower.

Lin Xi picked up a skewer and bit into it. Her tongue went numb on the spot. “You lied to me?!-“

Shi Yu poked her head out of the bathroom with a smile. “I didn’t lie. The skewer I ate wasn’t insanely spicy.”

Lin Xi: “…”

“If I ever believe you again, I’m a puppy!”

“A puppy?” Shi Yu thought about it. “You want to be my little puppy?”

“Screw off!-” Lin Xi hurried off in a panic to grab some ice water.

When Shi Yu came out of the bathroom, she was stunned to discover that Lin Xi had finished all the skewers. “You… you can handle spice that well?”

Lin Xi’s cheeks were tingling from the heat. “I’m okay.”

That was the thing about spicy food. The more you ate, the more addictive it got…

…

After showering and returning to the bedroom, Lin Xi planned to go to sleep early. She absolutely could not sleep in tomorrow-she was going out with Zhao Xinning.

“I’m turning off the lights,” Lin Xi said to Shi Yu, who was still reading manga.

Shi Yu closed the comic. “Go ahead. I’m done.”

“I’ve finished all your manga.”

“All of them? That fast? You like this kind of manga that much?” Lin Xi herself had only finished one series.

Shi Yu said, “I’m planning to draw one too.”

So this was… the start of a doujinshi artist1 going legit, Lin Xi thought.

But she remembered Shi Yu had once sworn up and down that she was going to become the supernova of the doujinshi artist world.

Before she’d even put pen to paper, Shi Yu declared with overwhelming confidence, “I’m going to break into the lovey-dovey manga scene!”

“Lin Xi, I need your help.”

“Me?” Lin Xi said. “I am kind of interested in drawing manga too, so I don’t mind being an assistant or whatever, but you’ll have to pay me.”

“No problem,” Shi Yu said.

“Huh? Why did you agree so readily? Be honest. Are you trying to scam me again?”

Lin Xi’s trust in Shi Yu was like a limit approaching zero.

“I’m not scamming you. What kind of scam could there be? If you’re worried I’ll stiff you on wages, we can sign a contract.”

Shi Yu sounded surprisingly legitimate, but Lin Xi still felt there had to be some trick hidden in there.

“Don’t tell me you want me working overtime?”

“No.” Shi Yu shook her head.

The pay and working hours were both fine… Lin Xi couldn’t guess what the catch was.

Shi Yu, however, volunteered the answer. “Compared to a normal manga assistant, you’ll have to do one extra thing.”

Lin Xi laughed. “Heh. There it is, your fox tail showing all on its own. I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.”

“I don’t have a fox tail,” Shi Yu said. “Qin Ling is the one who’d have a fox tail showing.”

“Cut the crap. What’s the extra thing? Whether I agree or not depends on what it is.”

“It’s very simple.” Shi Yu faced Lin Xi directly. “Date me.”

Lin Xi: “…”

In that instant, the air in the bedroom seemed to freeze solid.

Lin Xi silently pulled up the blanket to shield herself. “You really are interested in that kind of thing!”

Shi Yu crawled toward Lin Xi.

So nervous she shouted at the top of her lungs, Lin Xi cried, “Nooo-!”

“What are you screaming for?” Shi Yu merely burrowed under the covers. “You’re this nervous? Don’t tell me you’ve got a secret crush on me?”

Lin Xi answered with four words: “Shameless little brat!”

Then she asked, “Date you? Don’t tell me you actually like me?”

“Shi Yu, be honest. What do you like about me? I’ll change, okay?”

“Who likes you?” Shi Yu turned over and said, “Didn’t I already say I plan to draw a yuri manga? If I want real-life reference material, I need to find someone and have a relationship.”

“There’s a bit of a problem with that logic. By your reasoning, if someone hasn’t murdered anyone, they can’t make a crime thriller?”

“Right. If I wanted to draw a crime thriller manga, I’d definitely kill someone first.”

“Shi Yu, I’m serious. Let me take you to a psychiatric hospital and get your brain checked.”

“Enough nonsense. Are you agreeing or not? Will you date me?”

“What are you, some domineering female CEO?” Lin Xi shook her head. “What kind of manga artist is this unhinged?”

Shi Yu offered new terms. “I’ll give you half the manuscript fees.”

“You know my drawing skills. If it blows up, half the fees won’t be a small amount.”

“Uh…” Lin Xi asked cautiously, “You’re even willing to give up half the fees just to get me to date you. Do you actually like me?”

Shi Yu replied with one simple word: “Scram!”

Footnote:

1. Doujinshi Artist(本子画师): A creator of self-published comics or fan comics; in this context, the term carries an adult-comics implication