Chapter 19 – Don’t Learn Bad Habits

To express her deeply hidden feelings lightly would seem insincere, but to speak them heavily might frighten her new wife. Pei Xuan was, without a doubt, a scholar. Her voice was rich and gentle, like the best pear blossom wine brewed in the town. Each word was soft and subtle, yet what she said was unmistakably “love” and “admiration.”

Cui Ti stared at her in disbelief, her voice breaking, “Really?”

“Really.” Pei Xuan’s expression was full of deep emotion, “Heaven and earth can testify.”

Pei Xuan had barely finished speaking when two tears streaked down Cui Ti’s fair face. This crying made the usually composed Editor Pei flustered. She hurriedly pulled out a silk handkerchief embroidered with orchids from her sleeve and bent down to gently wipe Cui Ti’s tears. “Niangzi, why are you crying?”

Cui Ti turned her face away, embarrassed and annoyed, “I’m not crying.”

But she clearly was crying. Pei Xuan saw it in both her eyes, so how could she say she wasn’t?

Even someone as reserved as Pei Xuan could understand that Cui Ti was annoyed with her. Blushing awkwardly, she said, “You asked me… I didn’t mean to be so forward…”

She thought that her repeated declarations of “liking” had offended the modest girl before her. Just as she was feeling guilty, Cui Ti was busy crying and stomping on her foot. The embroidered shoes she wore were much more refined than the ones from when Pei Xuan first saw her in the small courtyard. At least the shoes were new, and she dared to be willful now.

Thinking of this, Pei Xuan found everything about Cui Ti delightful, even the way she stomped on her foot.

Taking advantage of Cui Ti’s blindness, Pei Xuan smiled with her eyes.

But Cui Ti still caught a glimpse of her with her peripheral vision and thought her Fujun was the biggest fool. How could she smile even when being stepped on?

She sobbed softly, harboring many grievances against her Fujun from their previous lifetime.

If she liked her, if she felt love and admiration, why did she keep her distance? Why did she make her anxious and cause her so many sleepless nights filled with worries?

“Niangzi…”

Pei Xuan tugged lightly at her sleeve.

In both her lifetimes combined, Cui Ti had rarely thrown a tantrum. But just after their marriage in this life, she had shown Pei Xuan her temper. Realizing this, Cui Ti’s mind cleared considerably.

If it weren’t for the experience of ‘seeing’ last night, upon learning of Pei Xuan’s admiration for her, Cui Ti would have definitely gotten angry, ignored her, and made her taste the feeling of being at a loss.

But with her spiritual eye now open, knowing that this seemingly refined and gentle person was, in fact, a woman, Cui Ti couldn’t help but forgive Pei Xuan for her actions in their previous lifetime.

She didn’t avoid me on purpose. It was to protect her biggest secret, something of great importance, not because she didn’t love me.

Thinking of the lively and vivid word “love,” Cui Ti’s heart pounded as if it held seven or eight rabbits, all crashing into her chest.

She clasped her chest, and Pei Xuan’s gaze followed, her beautiful eyebrows furrowing in concern. “Niangzi, do you feel discomfort in your chest?”

“No…”

Cui Ti suppressed the heat in her face and mumbled softly, “Why do you say everything out loud?”

“…”

On the first day after their wedding, Pei Xuan was caught off guard by her wife’s ability to turn the tables on her. Her head was spinning, but seeing Cui Ti’s face as red as a peach blossom and her earlobes flushed pink, her mood suddenly lifted, and she smiled, “Yes, yes, I speak without thinking.”

Cui Ti, now no longer completely blind, saw her smug expression and felt both anger and embarrassment.

But even if she wanted to settle scores, it didn’t make sense for her, who had lived two lifetimes, to hold this innocent person accountable for the past.

She withdrew her foot and glanced at Pei Xuan’s silk shoes, her voice softening, “I’m fine, but what about you? Does it hurt?”

“It doesn’t hurt. Does it hurt for you when you step on me, Niangzi?”

Receiving her concern, Cui Ti’s face flushed even more, and she didn’t dare to look up, her legs going weak.

Having spent three years with her in their previous lifetime, Cui Ti knew better than anyone how meticulous Pei Xuan could be. She hadn’t expected that forcing Pei Xuan to confess her feelings would result in such tender care.

She regretted not having the courage in their previous lifetime to ask this ‘chancellor’s legitimate son’ why she married her.

If she had asked, and Pei Xuan had answered, perhaps…

Pei Xuan, delighted, gazed at her rosy cheeks, feeling more content than ever before. “What about you? You haven’t answered me yet.”

Interrupted from her thoughts, Cui Ti pretended to be confused. “What? I forgot.”

She turned to run, but Pei Xuan quickly pulled her into her arms.

Madam Pei, having nothing better to do, came out for a stroll. From a distance, through the blooming flowers, she saw the two of them embracing in broad daylight. She clicked her tongue softly and signaled to the maid beside her to be quiet and not disturb the lovely spring scene.

In the Xining Count’s residence, Cui Ti often went hungry and lacked warm clothing for eighteen years. Thus, although she was also eighteen and a woman, she was half a head shorter than Pei Xuan.

Suddenly colliding into Pei Xuan’s warm embrace, her heart raced uncontrollably. Cui Ti’s face turned crimson, and her chin rested on Pei Xuan’s shoulder.

The wind passed without a trace.

Pei Xuan quietly supported her fragile waist, fearing to cause her pain. Beyond that, she didn’t know what else to do.

Just inhaling the fragrance emitting from Cui Ti’s collar, Pei Xuan felt her soul almost float away. It took immense restraint to resist indescribable urges. “I’ve told you what I think. You can’t be unfair. Tell me your thoughts too.”

Feeling the vibrations in Pei Xuan’s chest, Cui Ti’s breath became erratic. She felt as if she had returned to moments from their previous lifetime, as if Pei Xuan might touch her and undress her at any moment. Her legs became unsteady, and her body started to collapse.

Pei Xuan took a deep breath and held her firmly, insisting on an answer. “Niangzi, why aren’t you speaking?”

“I…” Cui Ti’s own voice startled her, and she cleared her throat, trying to steady her tone. “I, I willingly married into this family…”

After speaking, she found a burst of strength to push Pei Xuan away. Just as she was about to step forward, her legs suddenly gave out. Pei Xuan quickly steadied her arm to prevent her from falling.

Cui Ti, overwhelmed with shame and anger, asked, “Are you satisfied now?”

Pei Xuan was extremely satisfied. Fearing her earlier insistence had displeased Cui Ti, she sincerely apologized.

Though they were married, embracing each other in their own garden in broad daylight was not exactly proper.

In Dazhao, the rules of propriety were strict, especially concerning interactions between men and women. Even a married couple holding hands in public could invite criticism and, if seen by someone particularly prudish, might even be called “shameless.”

Given this, Cui Ti’s boldness in directly asking Pei Xuan, “Do you like me?” showed great courage. Having used up all her bravery, she didn’t know how to face Pei Xuan. Fortunately, Pei Xuan, being well-read, took a few steps and began introducing the scenery of the garden to her.

Madam Pei watched them discreetly for a while, then decided to lead her maid in the opposite direction to avoid intruding and disrupting the newlyweds’ bonding time.

In the afternoon, sunlight flooded the room. Bai Ge pushed open a window and turned back to see her young miss still resting her chin on her hand, daydreaming, a slow, ambiguous smile spreading across her face. “This is unbelievable. Our girl has become the Young Madam Pei, but she still hasn’t kicked her habit of daydreaming. Who’s thinking of love? I’ve seen it, but I won’t say a word.”

Her teasing words were clearly meant to embarrass. Cui Ti snapped out of her reverie and ‘looked’ at the vague outline of Bai Ge. “Don’t talk nonsense.”

“When have I ever talked nonsense?” Bai Ge walked over briskly, counting on her fingers. “The sun hasn’t even set, and just what I’ve seen, you’ve smiled seventy-eight times already. Doesn’t your face hurt, Young Madam?”

Reminded of this, Cui Ti felt a twinge of annoyance. “Why aren’t you working? Why are you counting how many times I’ve smiled?”

“Am I not working? Haozhong and Raoliang must have eaten something special—they’ve taken all the visible chores for themselves. I’m feeling quite left out, you know. If I don’t keep an eye on you, Young Madam, you might just smile yourself silly without realizing it.”

Having shared hardships with her, Cui Ti didn’t mind Bai Ge’s impertinent remarks. She pinched her own cheek and belatedly asked, “Have I really smiled that much?”

Bai Ge pouted. “Anyone with eyes can see that the Young Madam is satisfied with her gentleman.”

“…”

“Oh,” Cui Ti responded, “then I won’t smile anymore.”

“Exactly!” Seeing that Cui Ti had finally come to her senses, Bai Ge couldn’t hold back her words any longer. “On the first day after the wedding, even if you’re satisfied, you can’t show it so plainly on your face. Otherwise, it looks like we’re the ones chasing after them. The gentleman is indeed a rare gem, but the Young Madam is just as exceptional. At least in my eyes, there’s no one as serene and loyal as you.”

“We grew up together, so of course, you think I’m great.”

Cui Ti often blushed at Bai Ge’s compliments, and this time was no different. Not wanting to dwell on the topic, she was about to change the subject when Bai Ge’s curiosity got the better of her. “Did you and the gentleman…?”

“Did what?”

“Consummate the marriage!”

Pei Xuan, who had been about to lift the curtain, let her hand drop slowly, standing still just outside, eavesdropping.

Eavesdropping was certainly improper and unworthy of a gentleman, but… Bai Ge’s voice was so loud, and who doesn’t have a curious cat hidden in their heart?

In her previous lifetime, Cui Ti often found herself blushing and her heart racing due to Bai Ge’s provocations. Before Cui Ti got married, Bai Ge maintained a semblance of propriety, making this new, bolder version of Bai Ge somewhat disconcerting in this second life.

Now that Cui Ti was married, the mischievous Bai Ge had returned.

To be fair, it was a bit pitiful: in two lifetimes, Cui Ti never had a close female friend, with Bai Ge as her only confidante.

“Keep your voice down. It wouldn’t be good if someone heard.”

Bai Ge lowered her voice, almost whispering. “So, did you and the gentleman consummate the marriage?”

Cui Ti was amused by Bai Ge’s dramatic tone. She laughed halfway, then shook her head, clutching a handkerchief.

“No?!” Bai Ge muttered to herself, “I knew it. No matter how gentle the gentleman is, there should be some mark on you. If you didn’t consummate, then the virginity handkerchief Momo took must be a fake.”

She was indignant, leaning in to gossip with Cui Ti.

Her voice dropped even lower, making Pei Xuan’s ears itch with curiosity.

“…You don’t know this, but men with high noses are usually very capable. I observed that the gentleman has a nose like a hanging gallbladder, with long limbs. He should have no trouble in that regard. But to have such a beautiful woman beside him and still hold back, that’s just not normal!”

Cui Ti couldn’t understand how Bai Ge, with her limited education, could speak so fluently about matters of love and intimacy. In her previous life, she had treated Pei Xuan as a man, albeit an incompetent one, largely due to Bai Ge’s misleading influence.

“My Fujun treats me very well, and she has a good nature. You shouldn’t speak ill of her.”

Cui Ti’s gentle voice flowed out, alleviating Pei Xuan’s embarrassment. Holding a bouquet, Pei Xuan lowered her head to sniff the flowers, hoping to cleanse her polluted soul.

Just as she was about to make her presence known, Bai Ge whispered conspiratorially, “I have a surefire method that will ensure the gentleman can’t resist and will embrace you for a three-hundred-round battle—”

“Ahem!”

A sudden cough from outside the curtain interrupted them. Pei Xuan walked in gracefully, pressing her fist to her mouth, pretending she had been choked by the wind. She coughed a few more times and then spoke warmly, “Bai Ge, Haozhong is looking for you. Go see what she needs.”

Bai Ge stood there, stunned, her face red as a monkey’s bottom. She glanced at Cui Ti, hastily bowed, and rushed out.

As Pei Xuan approached step by step, Cui Ti kept her head down, her heart pounding. After a few moments of silence, she asked, “Did you hear everything?”

Pei Xuan’s expression was complex, her tone wistful. “Don’t learn bad habits from her.”

“Okay.”

Seeing Cui Ti agree so readily, Pei Xuan felt somewhat relieved. She set down the bouquet but didn’t realize that, compared to the fragrant flowers, Cui Ti now had something far more interesting to ponder.

Cui Ti glanced at Pei Xuan’s elegant, straight nose, then let her gaze fall discreetly on her Fujun’s long, slender fingers.