Chapter 1 – Dream of the Spring Boudoir

Spring in Xi Jing1 is a sight to behold. The willow leaves are tender green, the peach blossoms a delicate pink, and the mountains and rivers are captured by artists as symbols of a prosperous and peaceful era.

The brambling birds flaunt their beautiful feathers, perching on treetops. The clouds are pristine, and the sky is as clear as a wash. The splendor and grandeur of the world unfold in succession.

At dawn, the first bell tolls from the city tower, and everything flows with vitality, unfurling like a scroll.

Tall city walls and low tiled houses, common folk hustling for their livelihoods and young nobles in splendid attire.

A family welcomes a bride, another house fills with music; the myriad lives blend into a painting, similar yet distinct.

In this radiant spring, in this wonderful world, unfortunately, Cui Ti cannot see any of it.

Cui Ti is blind.

Nominally the daughter of Count Xining, she is in reality a marginalized, invisible figure, often the subject of gossip and scorn.

In a dilapidated side courtyard, orioles sing among the willows, white smoke rises from chimneys, and Cui Ti falls into a long, long dream.

In her dream, she is still the eldest daughter of the Cui Family, born blind, unloved by her father and mother, coldly regarded and mocked by others. Even the most insignificant servant in the household dares to disregard her.

They bully her for being blind, setting obstacles on the paths she frequents, watching her trip and fall, then laughing at her from the shadows.

She has cried out of anger more than once, but after drying her tears, she tells herself not to cry. What use is crying?

No one would feel sorry for her.

But later, someone did care for her.

The one who cared was Pei Xuan, the legitimate son of the illustrious Pei Family.

Pei Xuan, in her most destitute and helpless times, offered her the greatest respect a person could have, bringing her into his home with an elaborate bridal sedan, granting her the position of principal wife, and promising her a lifetime together.

He cherished her, protected her, steadied her before she could fall, patiently removed tiny fish bones from her meals, reprimanded servants for disrespecting her, recited poems about love and moonlight, held her, occasionally kissed her, and never scolded or belittled her.

Everyone else saw her as a broken piece of tile, but he treasured her like a precious jade, respected her like the bright moon.

Cui Ti was content with this marriage, to the point where she did not want to wake even when she knew it was a dream.

She wanted to repay him, even if everything was false, an illusion; she still wanted to repay him.

How laughable that even in her dreams she was blind.

As a blind person, what she could do was limited, so after ‘marrying,’ she set aside her pride and longed to bear Pei Xuan children, to repay his kindness.

But Pei Xuan never consummated their marriage.

In her dream, Cui Ti grew so worried that she lost her appetite and became increasingly thin.

Inside the tiled house, Bai Ge, Cui Ti’s maid, was anxiously pacing back and forth.

She kept wiping her miss’s forehead and face with a wet towel, worried that if the fever didn’t go down soon, her miss would not only be labeled as a blind girl but might also become an idiot if the fever damaged her brain.

She prayed fervently, muttering under her breath, hoping that the gods above would take pity on her wretched miss, see how this blind girl struggled to get by, notice her gentle and kind heart, acknowledge the suffering and grievances she had endured over the years.

People say that good deeds are rewarded, and surely her miss deserved the best reward!

Why did misfortune never leave her? Why did hardships cling to her?

She was, after all, the Count’s flesh and blood; just because she was blind, she was treated as an outcast. Bai Ge gritted her teeth, her eyes filled with tears. “Miss, you must hang in there. I’m still waiting for you to turn things around.”

The golden sun set in the west.

After tending to her miss all night and another day, Bai Ge could not hold on any longer and collapsed into a light sleep on the straw mat.

At the slightest movement on the straw mat, Bai Ge woke up alertly and saw Cui Ti lying there, pale and drenched in sweat. She was both surprised and overjoyed. “Miss! You made it through? That’s wonderful, wonderful, Miss, sob sob…”

She covered her face and burst into tears. “You finally made it through. I thought… I thought… you scared me to death!”

The dream was too long, and it took some time to recover. Cui Ti not only got married in the dream but was also drowned in the lotus pond in the end.

In her dying moments, she understood one thing: Pei Xuan pitied her and cherished her, but did not love her.

So be it.

The dream was strange; interestingly, she not only dreamed of someone caring for her, protecting her, respecting her, and marrying her but also dreamed of an immortal arriving on a crane to open her spiritual eye.

She was desperate to see.

“Miss, how can you still smile? You fell into the water yesterday and came back with a serious fever. The servants from the North Courtyard are too arrogant. We can’t let this go this time!”

“The servants from the North Courtyard?”

“Yes!”

Seeing that she still wasn’t fully conscious, Bai Ge softened her voice. “The servants from the North Courtyard were skimming off our food rations. I argued with them, and they had the audacity to lay hands on you. You fell into the water, caught a chill, and soon after returning, you started burning up…”

Seeing Cui Ti’s expression change, Bai Ge panicked. “Miss, Bai Ge is timid. Please don’t scare me…”

Could it be something that happened in the dream?

In the dream, she was bullied by people from the North Courtyard and fell into the koi pond in the back courtyard. Bai Ge saved her, soaking wet, and brought her back, where she developed a high fever that nearly took her life.

Afterward, Cui Dai came to visit her under the guise of concern, slapped Bai Ge while pretending to apologize, and when Cui Ti defended Bai Ge, her father scolded her severely, leaving her hungry for two days.

A dream or not, if it was a dream, why did the immortal open her spiritual eye, yet she still couldn’t see? If it wasn’t a dream, how could she explain the occurrences in the dream?

“Miss? Miss?”

“I’m here.”

Bai Ge’s voice choked with emotion. “Miss, I will save money to hire a good doctor for you. Don’t give up on yourself. Even if your brain is injured, it will get better.”

“What are you thinking about?” Cui Ti tentatively reached out, trying to touch her face, but ended up touching Bai Ge’s shoulder instead. She pressed her hand on Bai Ge’s shoulder. “Wait a bit longer. I need to confirm something.”

“What is it?”

“You will know tomorrow.”

One blink, one close of the eyes, and tomorrow arrived.

Bai Ge noticed that after waking up from the fall into the water, her miss would often ‘stare’ blankly into space. She had always been prone to daydreaming, but now the symptom was more severe.

She was anxious, and in the time it took for a cup of tea, she counted the copper coins in the bamboo tube three times over—hoping to find a good doctor for her miss’s brain, but the money was far from enough.

She pitied Cui Ti in her heart.

Cui Ti was nominally the Count’s daughter, but everyone in the household knew the real prized daughter was her sister—Cui Dai.

Cui Dai was the third daughter, the youngest under Madam’s care, fourteen years old, willful and pampered, living in the luxurious North Courtyard. The servants followed their miss’s lead, and each one in the North Courtyard was no pushover.

“She’s here.”

“Who’s here?”

Cui Ti sat up straight. “Help me check, is it my third younger sister?”

Cui Dai?!

Bai Ge shivered and hurriedly looked out the door.

Not long after breakfast, having learned that the blind girl living in the shabby tile house had fallen into the water two days ago, Cui Dai ‘kindly’ led a group of curious servants over in a grand manner.

Upon reaching the door, she waved her hand in disgust. “What’s that smell? Why is it so stinky?”

A sharp-eyed servant barged into the small courtyard without greeting, looked around, and reported, “Third Miss, it’s rabbit feces.”

Hearing that it was rabbit feces, Cui Dai bent over as if to retch. “Such poor taste for someone like her. Alright, for the sake of her falling into the water, I’ll reluctantly go in.”

The rabbit feces were used as fertilizer for growing vegetables. Although Cui Ti was blind, her hearing was exceptionally good, and she had a good memory.

In the dream, Cui Dai had said the exact same words. Later, unable to bear the smell of the rabbit feces, she had someone kill all the rabbits Cui Ti kept.

She thought in a daze: So the dream wasn’t a dream; it was her previous lifetime.

Why had she come back?

Was it because she died in the lotus pond?

She wondered if Pei Xuan would shed a tear for her after her death. Or perhaps, would there be a Pei Xuan in this lifetime?

Confined in this small courtyard year-round, she knew nothing of the world outside. She didn’t know if there was a prominent Pei family in Xi Jing. Thinking of a life without Pei Xuan, without the person who had given her such wondrous dreams, Cui Ti felt a sudden pain in her heart.

“Big sister, what are you thinking about with such a pale face?”

Cui Dai had always looked down on this blind girl. Their father didn’t like her, and their mother didn’t care for her either. Since she could remember, there were always people around reminding her to stay away from the blind girl to avoid bad luck.

Before she was ten, she believed those words, fearing that she would get dirty if she got too close. After she turned ten, she found joy in tormenting others, and once she started, she couldn’t stop.

After all, even if she caused the blind girl’s death, their parents wouldn’t care.

“It’s just two bags of rice. Is it worth arguing with your sister over, big sister? Look, I’ve brought you rice today, along with my apologies.”

She untied the bag and grabbed a handful of white rice, letting it slip through her fingers like sand and scatter on the ground.

The young girl clicked her tongue twice, innocently yet maliciously. “Big sister, look at the life you’re living.” She feigned surprise. “Oh, I forgot, big sister is blind and can’t see.”

“You—”

“Bai Ge, stop!”

Cui Ti interrupted Bai Ge before Cui Dai could reprimand the servant. Cui Dai snorted coldly and didn’t argue with a lowly maid. But as soon as she raised her hand, the humble servant was pulled aside.

“Third younger sister, I won’t see you out.”

“Who needs you to see me out? A blind girl like you should take care of yourself, or you might fall into the pond again and die without anyone knowing.”

She deliberately waited for a while, but didn’t see any anger from Cui Ti, nor did the maid jump in rage. Cui Dai felt bored. “Let’s go!”

The people from the North Courtyard left reluctantly. Bai Ge couldn’t help but complain, “Miss! Why did you stop me? She spoke so rudely…”

“It was very rude,” Cui Ti said weakly. “But what can we do about it?”

In her previous lifetime, Bai Ge couldn’t hold back and said one more word, which earned her a slap. Outraged on Bai Ge’s behalf, Cui Ti stood up for her and was caught by her father, who punished her with two days of starvation.

After enduring two days of hunger, both she and Bai Ge were so weak they could barely stand, dragging their exhausted bodies back. Behind them, there was unrestrained laughter. Many mocked her for being blind and foolish, saying she was delusional for thinking she could actually act like a master.

This time, she didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes.

Cui Ti sat on an old, rickety bench. Though the bench was clean, it wasn’t sturdy and wobbled under her weight.

She also knew that soon Bai Ge would come over, head drooping, to complain to her, and then this ‘old friend’ that had accompanied them for many years would collapse under the strain.

“Sit on the square stool,” she said.

Bai Ge paused, surprised that her miss knew she was about to sit on the bench. Obediently, she sat on the stool across from Cui Ti, her shoulders slumping. “Miss, we can’t keep being bullied like this. If this continues, how can we survive as master and servant?”

“I know. I’m thinking of a way. Don’t make a fuss.”

Bai Ge glanced at her, helpless and skeptical of her miss’s ability to find a solution.

The morning light was bright, and time seemed to drift lazily by.

When did she first meet Pei Xuan?

It was after a spring rain, when a kite flew over the wall.

A person fell off the wall, exclaiming “Ouch!” as they landed. Their voice was rich and gentle, the kind that filled many a young girl’s springtime dreams.

Footnote:

• Xi Jing(西京): The capital of Dazhao.