Chapter 12 – Expressing Feelings

In April, the court’s appointments were announced. Pei Xuan was assigned the position of Editor at the Hanlin Academy, a sixth-rank official. Without genuine talent and knowledge, it would be impossible to hold one’s ground at the Hanlin Academy.

The legitimate son of the Pei Family was renowned far and wide. Initially, the officials at the Hanlin Academy, big and small, were wary of her chancellor father and didn’t dare assign her much work. However, after half a month of getting along, Pei Xuan accepted any task without complaint, whether it was drafting documents or running errands. Her conscientiousness earned her wide praise.

The Zhuangyuan, Bangyan, and Tanhua all worked at the Hanlin Academy, so it wasn’t lonely.

At dusk, after leaving the Hanlin Academy, Song Zizhen invited his friends to Fengming Pavilion for a drink. Pei Xuan, unable to refuse, decided to attend the gathering in her official blue robe adorned with floral patterns.

The last celebration at Fengming Pavilion had ended in an embarrassing scene, but this time, her mood was entirely different.

Song Zizhen slapped open the wine seal and poured the pear blossom wine into two porcelain bowls. “There are three great joys in life: the wedding night, passing the imperial exam, and seeing one’s offspring become successful. Xingguang, you’re more capable than us, having already experienced two of these joys. Is there anything you can’t do?”

When it came to teasing Pei Xingguang, Zheng Wuji clearly sided with Song. “I always thought Xingguang would be the last to get married, but I was wrong. Among the three of us, Xingguang was the first to fall for a girl.”

Pouring the pear blossom wine into a small porcelain bowl, Zheng Wuji took a sip and squinted. “Xingguang, Zizhen and I are both curious. What do you like about that girl?”

Knowing that drinking with them wouldn’t be easy, Pei Xuan elegantly held the wine bowl, lightly touching her lips to it. The authentic pear blossom wine’s fragrance made her smile. “I don’t know either. When I first saw her, my heart started racing.”

“Oh, oh, oh!”

Song Zizhen exaggeratedly teased, while Zheng Wuji winked at her.

“Be serious,” Pei Xuan glared at him.

“It’s not me who’s not serious, it’s you, Xingguang. Who sees a girl for the first time and has impure thoughts?”

“How am I impure?”

Song Zizhen chuckled, leaning on the table, lowering his voice. “You want to kiss her, don’t you? Maybe even hug her. Your heart races; do you want her to touch you to feel better? Ah, Xingguang, don’t be embarrassed. Wuji and I understand!”

With an air of manly camaraderie, Pei Xuan lowered her head to drink, avoiding his remarks.

“See? We’ve hit the nail on the head. No matter how cold and reserved a man appears, his heart burns when thinking of a girl.”

“……”

Pei Xuan opened her mouth, thinking it would be better not to provoke these two “older unmarried” men.

Seeing her hesitation, Song Zizhen’s eyes sparkled.

“Xingguang, we agreed that Wuji and I will be your groomsmen and accompany you to fetch your bride.”

“Exactly!”

“Rest assured.” Master Editor leisurely sipped the wine, lightly raising her eyes with a smile. “You won’t be able to get rid of you two.”

Not only would they be her groomsmen, but they would also help her fend off the wine toasts. On her wedding night, she wanted to stay clear-headed to talk with her bride all night.

She missed Cui Ti deeply.

She wanted to hear her voice.

Unfortunately, her fiancée had moved out of the small courtyard, so she could no longer talk to her through the wall.

But it was good that she returned to Chenxiang Courtyard; at least the roof there didn’t leak when it rained, making it a comfortable and secure place to live.

Thinking of this, she felt a pang of longing.

Seeing her expression, Zheng Wuji asked, “Xingguang, what are you thinking about?”

“Are you thinking about your fiancée?” Song Zizhen teased. “Don’t you plan to see her before the wedding? Even talking through a screen would be nice. If not, you could always send her a letter.”

His words struck a chord with Pei Xuan, who was longing for her fiancée. Unsure, she asked, “Is that possible?”

“Why not? The betrothal gifts have been accepted. Even if you haven’t performed the wedding ceremony, she’s already yours. Besides, you’re her designated husband. How could seeing your wife harm her reputation?”

His words were unreliable, so Pei Xuan looked to Zheng Wuji.

Zheng Wuji laughed at her rare youthful infatuation. “It’s no problem. If you’re really worried, you don’t have to meet. Just let her know you’re thinking about her. Wouldn’t that be enough?”

“That’s a great idea!”

Editor Pei slapped the table, leaving money for the wine. “I’m leaving now. You two can keep drinking.”

Song Zizhen stood there in shock, pointing in disbelief at the direction Pei Xuan had fled. “Is that really Xingguang? Has the eldest daughter of the Cui Family cast a spell on her?”

“Don’t talk nonsense.” Zheng Wuji replied seriously, “This is called longing. Understand? Longing.”

“Waiter, bring us a bowl of red bean soup!”

Longing. Zheng Wuji felt like he could die from it. His good brother had found his Niangzi and immediately ran off to be with her, leaving him and Song Zizhen to drink alone, which was far less enjoyable.

With the wedding date approaching, Pei Xuan worked at the Hanlin Academy, waiting for May 5 to bring home her bride. At the Xining Count’s residence, in the Chenxiang Courtyard, Cui Ti held a needle and thread, wanting to embroider a sachet for her Fujun.

Bai Ge couldn’t stop her from embroidering the sachet, so she acted as her eyes, adjusting Cui Ti’s stitches with her hands.

“Miss, you’ve made a mistake again.”

Cui Ti showed no sign of frustration. Years of hardship had tempered her heart into something as calm as water. If she made a mistake, she would try again. Not pricking her fingers and dirtying the sachet was already good enough.

Bai Ge greatly admired Cui Ti’s perseverance.

If it were her, if she were blind, she wouldn’t even have the courage to thread a needle, let alone embroider a sachet.

“Is this correct?”

“Yes, that’s right.” Bai Ge didn’t dare get distracted, quickly pulling her thoughts back to continue assisting her miss.

To Cui Ti, she was a blind woman. Such precious items as a wedding dress must not be stained with blood, so she only symbolically stitched a few needles on the nearly finished dress, barely contributing.

She regretted not being able to sew Pei Xuan’s intimate wear, so she expressed her feelings through this sachet.

It certainly wouldn’t look good when finished, but it was something to pass the time.

Meanwhile, Pei Xuan was flying a kite near the Xining Count’s residence. Soaring in the sky was a large, colorful crane.

The magnificent crane and the handsome young man who hadn’t yet changed out of his official robes attracted much attention. Anyone with eyes could see that this was the renowned Zhuangyuan of Xi Jing.

The Zhuangyuan, appointed by His Majesty to the Hanlin Academy, had a visibly bright future.

She paid no attention to the gazes of others, focusing on the wind direction and maneuvering the kite skillfully.

After much flying, she still felt that the best spot was in front of the Cui Family’s gate.

The Xining Count’s residence had a new, honest gatekeeper who looked at their soon-to-be son-in-law with bewilderment, not understanding what he was doing.

Did sixth-rank editors at the Hanlin Academy really have so much free time?

Why was she flying a kite right in front of someone else’s door?

“You there, come over.”

The gatekeeper pointed to himself, and Pei Xuan called out, “Yes, you. Please go inside and tell the young lady that I’m outside flying a kite, and ask her to use her heart to see it.”

“Use her heart to see it?”

The gatekeeper relayed the message at the entrance of the Chenxiang Courtyard. Bai Ge waved him off. “Got it. You can go now.”

She quickly returned to the room and repeated Gentleman Pei’s words to Cui Ti, who smiled warmly. “Help me go out and take a look.”

Take a look.

A blind woman, how could she look?

Pei Xuan said to use her heart to see.

The heart is the eye.

Once they were outside, Bai Ge looked up effortlessly and saw the colorful kite. “Miss, it’s a huge kite, about the length of two people. It’s a crane that looks very spirited, though the colors are quite bright.”

After a moment of contemplation, she asked, “Miss, how do you see with your heart?”

Cui Ti smiled at her naivety. “He is using the kite to speak.”

“Speak what?”

“To say he misses me, wants to see me, and wants to be with me.”

Bai Ge blushed, realizing the romantic gesture. “How could the gentleman be so playful?”

Cui Ti shared this confusion.

Indeed.

Didn’t this person not love her?

Then why the longing, the desire to be with her, to see her?

Every time she thought she understood Pei Xuan, Pei Xuan’s actions would become enigmatic. Cui Ti raised her head as the spring breeze brushed her face.

For as long as Pei Xuan had been flying the kite, she stood in the courtyard ‘watching’ it.

The two, not yet married, adhered to the complex pre-wedding rituals, maintaining a silent but interesting vigil.

“Pei Xuan!”

Pei Xuan’s pageboy came running. “Gentleman, it’s getting late. Madam is calling you home for dinner.”

“Just a little longer.” Pei Xuan held the kite spool and suddenly spoke, “Knife.”

The pageboy was momentarily stunned but quickly produced a small paper-cutting knife he carried.

She used the knife to cut the line, sending the large, colorful kite flying into the Cui Family’s courtyard.

“This is the kite I’m giving to your Miss. Do you understand?”

The gatekeeper, who had been forced to watch the giant crane kite for an hour, nodded and bowed. “Rest assured, son-in-law, the kite will be delivered to Miss.”

Pei Xuan was satisfied, her heart leaping with joy at being called “son-in-law.”

Her happiness was partly hidden in her heart, but even so, the emotions she displayed were enough to make the pageboy feel a pang of envy.

Love, it seemed, had truly made his gentleman foolish.

The pageboy eagerly awaited May 5, hoping the Young Madam would soon be brought into the house, so his gentleman could finally be at peace.

“Miss, this is from Gentleman Pei.”

Bai Ge held the absurdly large kite, finding it increasingly amusing. “How did I not realize before how interesting the gentleman is? Miss, with him, you have something to look forward to.”

The colorful kite was intricately crafted and made from high-quality materials. Cui Ti ran her hands over it. “He put his heart into this.”

She carefully recalled the events of her previous lifetime. Back then, Pei Xuan also loved flying kites and used all sorts of unexpected tricks to please her.

Pei Xuan was the ideal gentleman that every woman in Xi Jing wanted to marry.

And this gentleman was going to be hers again.

Pei Xuan wanted to see her, and she also wanted to see Pei Xuan—not just touch her but truly see her with her eyes. She wanted to see how her beloved Fujun had captured the hearts of countless women in Xi Jing.

To see her grace, to see her gentle and affectionate eyes.

What you think of during the day, you dream of at night. That night, Cui Ti dreamed again of an immortal arriving on a crane to restore her spiritual eye.

She wanted to see so badly.

She wanted to see her Fujun of two lifetimes.

The day was hazy and dull. When she woke from the dream, Cui Ti sat on her bed, lost in thought. She would never be able to see Pei Xuan, never see the most radiant young man in Dazhao.

This realization made her very sad.

After many attempts and much frustration, Cui Ti finally finished embroidering the sachet.

It wasn’t pretty—it was wrinkled and, despite using new and fine materials, the stitches were messy. It wouldn’t fetch even a penny outside.

“Forget it.”

She raised her hand to throw it away, but Bai Ge stopped her. “Why give up? It might not look good, but it’s filled with your true feelings. If the gentleman is truly good, how could he dismiss your feelings because of the stitching?”

Those involved often can’t see clearly, but onlookers can.

As the wedding day approached, Bai Ge noticed that her miss was becoming increasingly self-loathing and despondent.

She carefully put away the sachet, fearing that Cui Ti might destroy it in a moment of frustration. She knelt down. “Miss, someone who loves you won’t despise your flaws; they’ll cherish your goodness. Listen to me, be happy and become a joyful bride.”