Chapter 6 – Lingering Thoughts

“Miss?”

Bai Ge had seen her bright smile and joyful laughter, but rarely her gentle, silent smile that seemed to carry tears within.

Seeing Cui Ti like this suddenly reminded Bai Ge of something. In the past, her miss didn’t celebrate her birthday. It was only after much persuasion that she began to do so.

During those years when she couldn’t let go, miss would be especially quiet on her birthday. When you spoke to her, she would only respond with a faint smile.

Just like now.

Bai Ge chose to ignore the “again” in Cui Ti’s words, assuming that her miss was extremely sad and talking nonsense.

The third miss had hit her miss, and the Countess didn’t even bother to ask about it, let alone seek justice. How could they possibly find a good match for her miss?

Previously, Bai Ge had hoped that her miss would marry soon and leave this emotionally cold Xining Count’s residence. But would marriage really be better?

Bai Ge furrowed her brows in worry.

She felt deeply powerless and melancholic about her miss’s fate and her own.

Cui Ti was once again staring blankly out the window.

This time, Bai Ge didn’t ask or say anything, she just turned around and found something to do.

She couldn’t stay idle. She feared that if she had too much free time, she would overthink and let her worries affect her miss’s mood.

The Xining Countess was a very action-oriented woman. Upon receiving the portrait, she first spread the word that she was seeking a husband for her daughter. Given the high praise from the Chancellor’s wife, a few families indeed came to inquire.

The Zhao family’s legitimate second son, aged sixteen, was deaf in both ears. His father was an official of the fifth rank.

The Qian family’s illegitimate son, aged nineteen, had a lame leg and had previously had a concubine.

The Sun family’s youngest legitimate son, aged fifteen, had one eye. His father was an Advisor Minister of the fourth rank, and his eldest brother was a former Bangyan1. Coming from an official family, he was known to be particularly fond of women despite his young age.

The ladies of these families visited one after another. After seeing the portrait, they all left with a hint of amazement in their eyes.

Blindness didn’t matter; their children were not perfect either. What was important was good character, honesty, and loyalty to their wives.

They liked Cui Ti’s appearance—delicate, not vulgar, not timid.

A blind woman with such an outstanding temperament—this was seen as a testament to the Xining Countess’s excellent upbringing, though the Countess herself felt rather embarrassed by the praise.

After seeing off the last visitor, Madam Sun, the Countess returned to her room and looked at the name cards left by the families. She found herself in a dilemma.

Of the three ladies, Madam Sun was the most satisfied with Cui Ti, as Cui Ti’s beauty perfectly met her youngest son’s exacting standards for a woman.

The Countess picked up the name card from the Sun family, then the one from the Zhao family, weighing her options and feeling undecided.

Gentleman Sun’s father and brother were both officials at court, but she had heard that this young man was fond of treating women disrespectfully and had a questionable character.

The Zhao family’s legitimate second son was relatively better, but his appearance left much to be desired. Not only was he unfit for Cui Ti, but he was even unworthy of someone like Bai Ge, who served by Cui Ti’s side.

Moreover, Madam Zhao wasn’t as warm towards her as Madam Sun was.

Cui Ti was the eldest daughter, and it was customary in Xi Jing for the eldest daughter to marry well. If the eldest daughter married well, only then could the younger daughters be matched into higher-status families. Otherwise, if the elder sister’s marriage was inferior to the younger’s, people would gossip and criticize the mother.

Privately, the Countess made up her mind. Just as she did, she looked at Cui Ti’s portrait and fell into deep thought.

Initially, she had loved this daughter. When she found out she was pregnant, she was very happy. Regardless of whether it was a boy or a girl, she eagerly anticipated the arrival of the little one.

However, this child had brought her much suffering during the pregnancy, making her extremely ill for months. On the day of delivery, it almost cost her life. She had a difficult labor and hemorrhaged severely, barely bringing Cui Ti into this world, only to find that her daughter was born blind.

Her mother-in-law was furious with her, her husband blamed her, and her unmarried sister-in-law mocked her, insinuating that this child was a curse.

Having heard too many harsh words, it became difficult for her to remain a loving mother.

In her heart, she resented her.

Giving birth to Cui Ti not only failed to elevate her status as a mother but also weakened her health, resulting in her second child being born frail.

Over the years, she often thought of her second daughter, who died young. She couldn’t bring herself to love the eldest daughter, who had been at odds with her since the womb.

Thus, all her affection went to Cui Dai, her younger daughter.

“Enough.”

She put down the name card from the Zhao family and instantly made her decision.

“We made it! We made it!”

A servant from the Pei Family burst into the courtyard, shouting, “Madam, the young master has been awarded the title of Zhuangyuan by Your Majesty!”

Madam Pei, who had been anxious all morning, finally felt a sense of relief wash over her upon hearing this news. “Good, good. Quickly, bring out the celebration cakes and distribute them.”

The officials who came to deliver the good news were rewarded handsomely, each leaving with smiles on their faces.

As for Pei Xuan, who had achieved the top rank of Zhuangyuan, she earned this title through her genuine talent and scholarly achievements, but passing the palace examination had not been easy for her.

Your Majesty, after reviewing her examination paper, asked her questions in front of everyone and then, on a whim, requested to see her handwriting with her left hand. After examining her left-handed script, His Majesty sat on the dragon throne and stared at her for a long time.

The prolonged scrutiny made Pei Xuan uneasy, wondering if something was amiss-was her handwriting unsuitable, or had her disguise as a man been discovered?

She kept her gaze forward, resisting the urge to look at her father, the chancellor, who stood among the highest-ranking officials.

Fortunately, the title of Zhuangyuan was ultimately bestowed upon her.

A close call, but she succeeded.

“Xingguang, your noble bearing has overshadowed even me, the Tanhua. Riding beside you, I doubt any of Xi Jing’s young ladies will spare a glance for this flower,” he jested, mockingly lamenting how Pei Xuan had stolen his thunder.

Wearing red robes and adorned with red flowers, the top three candidates paraded through the streets to share the joyous news. Pei Xuan, looking scholarly and refined, rode her horse while an official walked beside her, guiding the steed. From the balconies and along the streets, countless flowers were thrown her way, filling the air with their fragrance.

In response to her fellow’s teasing, she raised an eyebrow and smiled, “What can I do? It’s how my parents made me and the heavens blessed me. Can I return these gifts?”

“No, you can’t, you can’t. Ouch!”

Song Zizhen was hit in the face by a flying flower.

Looking over at the Zhuangyuan and Bangyan, they too were busy dodging the onslaught of floral tributes from admirers.

He burst into laughter, “What a splendid sight, truly splendid!”

All three of this year’s top scholars were exceptionally young and handsome. Among them, Pei Xuan’s beauty was particularly striking, hence she received the most flowers. Even the official guiding her horse had his hat knocked askew by the barrage.

Some flowers accidentally hit her delicate face, causing it to flush slightly, making many young and older ladies clutch their hearts in sympathy.

From atop her horse, Pei Xuan felt both joy and mild annoyance. Quick with her hands, she caught a flower just before it brushed her eye, sighing helplessly at the overwhelming enthusiasm of the Xi Jing citizens.

But who could blame them? Dazhao had not seen such young top scholars in years. Not only was the Zhuangyuan young, but the Bangyan and Tanhua were also just over twenty.

In their prime, they rode through Xi Jing, taking in the city’s beauty.

Despite the Pei Family’s legitimate son basking in endless glory, when his name was inscribed on the Yanta Tower, his thoughts were with a girl living in a humble, low-roofed house. While his fellow scholars wrote about their high ambitions and lofty aspirations, his pen moved to express deep compassion.

He wondered how she was doing.

“He made it! The one who made it is the Pei Family’s gentleman, the chancellor’s legitimate son.”

“How impressive. The Pei Family’s legitimate son is not even eighteen yet, right? I heard this batch of Jinshi2 candidates are all quite good-looking…”

“More than just good-looking. If the Zhuangyuan Lang wasn’t the chancellor’s son, many would be clamoring to make him their son-in-law!”

“You’ve seen him?”

The young maids giggled, heads close together, covering their mouths.

Unable to listen any longer, Bai Ge dashed towards the little courtyard.

“Miss! Miss!”

She rushed in like a gust of wind, only to find Cui Ti fallen at the door. The words she had prepared were forgotten in her fright. “Miss, get up quickly.”

Cui Ti took Bai Ge’s hand to stand up, embarrassedly smoothing the stray hairs by her ear. “I was lost in thought and tripped over the threshold.”

Bai Ge saw her praying every day. At first, she thought her Niangzi was praying for her own wedding. Later, by chance, she heard her murmurs and realized she was praying for that silly goose!

Dusting off Cui Ti’s clothes, Bai Ge joyfully exclaimed, “Gentleman Pei has succeeded! He’s the Zhuangyuan!”

“Zhuangyuan?” Cui Ti grabbed her sleeve in excitement. “The Zhuangyuan, not the Tanhua?”

“Not the Tanhua, the Zhuangyuan! The youngest Zhuangyuan, not even eighteen!”

This news was indeed thrilling, especially since the person who topped the exam was someone she had met. Not only met, but she had also seen him in an awkward state, having fallen from a wall.

She had even held the ladder for the Zhuangyuan Lang!

In a way, her miss was Gentleman Pei’s benefactor. Without her “ladder-holding grace,” who knows if the “Zhuangyuan” might have had a different fate.

“That’s wonderful.”

Cui Ti sincerely thanked the heavens.

“Miss,” Bai Ge asked softly, “have you developed feelings for Gentleman Pei?”

Why else would she pray day and night for his success?

The chancellor’s only son, now the Zhuangyuan—these were heights her Niangzi could never reach.

Already feeling sorrow for her miss’s unrequited love, Bai Ge forced a smile to avoid hurting Cui Ti, “Perhaps Gentleman Pei is thinking of you too.”

“Would he really be thinking of me?” Cui Ti was uncertain.

After a day filled with customary duties, Pei Xuan dragged her tired yet exhilarated body back home, where she was greeted by her parents’ smiling faces and hearty praises.

In the study, Chancellor Pei got straight to the point. “Do you know why His Majesty was silent on the throne?”

Pei Xuan pondered before replying, “His Majesty initially did not intend to name me the top scholar.”

“Correct. Your brilliance is too conspicuous; he wanted to temper your sharpness, to curb your zeal. A career that progresses too smoothly can sometimes lead to self-destruction. Entering officialdom too early is not always beneficial.”

“Then why, according to Father, did His Majesty ultimately appoint me as the Zhuangyuan?”

Chancellor Pei raised an eyebrow at her, a proud look on his face. “Because my child is too outstanding. His Majesty couldn’t find a single fault in you. Among the Bangyan and Tanhua, who could possibly be ranked above you? If His Majesty didn’t name you the top scholar, it would have been unjust, both in reason and sentiment.

“His Majesty is growing old and needs to prepare a loyal and reliable team for the Crown Prince. You were his first choice. Xuan’er, from now on, you must walk the path of a pure minister.”

“I understand, Father.”

Many who achieve such high honors at a young age would become complacent. But not her— the higher she rose, the more her propriety and stability shone through.

This might be the difference between a daughter and a son.

Chancellor Pei did not regret his decision back then, and neither did Pei Xuan.

“Alright, go accompany your mother. She’s over the moon today.”

Pei Xuan chuckled softly.

“Still thinking about her?”

Madam Pei had only this one child, and her sole child had truly made her proud—winning the Zhuangyuan title, embarking on an official career, with lofty ambitions and high aspirations.

“Mother has met that girl. She’s a good one, looks good, has a good temperament. You two will definitely get along well as friends.”

Pei Xuan nodded with a smile. “She’s different from others. She’s better than any other girl.”

“Yes, yes, apart from my Xuan’er, she’s the best. But it’s a pity her fate isn’t good. Count Xining and his wife are so inconsiderate. How can they let their eldest daughter live in a rundown house while the younger daughter lives in luxury? I heard the Countess is currently looking for husbands for her daughters…”

“Husbands? Looking for husbands from which families?!”

“Why are you so agitated?”

“I—”

Pei Xuan stopped herself just in time, stood up abruptly, and said, “I’m going to find her!”

“This child.”

Madam Pei muttered a few words but didn’t think much of it, letting her go.

Footnote:

• Bangyan(榜眼): The candidate who achieved second place in the palace examination.

1. Jinshi(进士): In the ancient Chinese imperial examination system, all students who passed the palace examination were called Jinshi.